Yoga for a Broken Heart - Part 1- Committing to Stillness

There are many ways that we become heartbroken. It can be from years of failed relationships, a betrayal from a partner,  divorce , the loss of a loved one, abandonment, disappointment, even loneliness. Some of our heartbreaks are so deep that it feels as though we may never recover. We become so disconnected from ourselves that we need something to guide us back to wholeness.

All to often we search for something or someone outside of ourselves to make us happy. But those of us who have tried that route have no-doubt experienced the fleeting  happiness that is born from a relationship incubated in a bubble of neediness. It is our relationship to ourselves and the understanding of who we really are that will bring us that feeling of completeness and the knowing that we are never truly alone.

The Yoga Sutras describes a light that resides inside each of us- A luminance  that is beyond all sorrow. This light is said to be located at the heart center. If we can access that light by letting go of resistance, offering gratitude and surrendering to what is,we can once again- and maybe for the first time taste our true nature -one that is full of joy, freedom and bliss. 

The process of accessing that light requires svadyaya (self Study), abhyanga (diligent practice) and vairagya (dispassion). We  have to muster the courage to walk through the fire of transformation and we should begin by making a sacred commitment to ourselves towards our own healing. 

But first we must learn to become still.  Stillness is probably the one thing we'd like to avoid. Busyness keeps us distracted from our issues and the pain at heart. Perpetual motion is a great tool to avoid seeing our patterns, ways we could have acted more wisely or compassionately . It staves off those voices of doubt in our minds that maybe we actually are unlovable or underserving and might always be alone. It seemingly keep us from feeling the pain. But it's still there, under the surface, bubbling away- deciding whether to burst forth and release or sink deep and create toxicity and dis-ease.  And at the end of the day it only serves to keep our healing at bay. 

We need to stop the endless watching of TV, surfing the web, overworking and the countless coffee's with friends who just want to cheer us up or rehash the story over and over as they project their own relationship woes onto us.

Even our asana practice can became a way to distract ourselves. However if we turn off the music and infuse our asana practice with the subtler aspects of yoga like pranayama, mantra and bandha's we can use it to prepare us for deep meditation. From this place we can begin to pry open the door to the cave of the heart. Isn't this what the practice was meant for? To have effect on how we show up in world and not just how we look in the mirror?

It is said that in the stillness the unknown becomes known. It may be scary to look into those painful and cavernous places within ourselves. But it must be done if we want to be free.

Make the decision now to to take your seat,close your eyes, be with yourself and breathe. Being still will illuminate your inner world and how you experience the outerworld will be shifted. But the practice of meditation is much more powerful when you practice daily . If possible do it in the same place at the same time everyday and you will see that the cumulative power of a daily practice becomes palpable very quickly.

Lets do an experiment together and commit to sit. Commit to get still, same time, same place everyday (if possible) just for the next 30 days. You may have a favorite meditation or you can use the Morning Clarity Meditation for the first week if you are just getting started. I will be uploading more meditations each week that will lead us deeper into the healing and expansion of the heart.
At the end of this 4 part series I will  announce a time for a Google chat so we can share our experiences  and connect as a community.

Here are some things that will  help you to move your healing journey forward this week:

1. Non-expectation
2. Silence  at least 30 minutes before bed
3. Reduce media intake
4. Take time to be alone

Hari Om Tat Sat
Tracee

What I Learned by Looking at My Shadow

I arrived early for my yoga class and found a sunny spot to place my mat and do a short meditation and invocation to prepare the space for my students. When I opened my eyes I saw my own shadow, it was a nice silhouette of of me sitting in meditation. Kind of a cool picture, I thought. But then I looked closer and noticed that my shoulders were creeping up towards my ears. When I actively released my shoulders downwards I felt a wave of relaxation and realized that I must have been sitting like that during my meditation. When I see this posture on others I assume they are stressed, defensive or fearful. I thought... just what am I holding on to?
In the book Yoga and Psychotherapy muscle tension is described as a "primitive way of separating oneself. By keeping the muscles tense and partly contracted, it serves as a boundary between oneself and others", thus giving the illusion of security. What secret invader could I be unconsciously trying to ward off ? Come to think of it I have had a sore neck over the last few weeks. I tried a few stretches, Epsom salt baths, even sleeping without a pillow for the last week. I replayed my various activities over the last week that could have possibly strained my neck. I finally settled on the unfortunate pounding I took in the impact zone while Stand Up surfing, but that was over a month ago and I really didn't remember hurting my neck. A posture can reflect the way a person is feeling inside, but holding the body a certain way can also accentuate those feelings and cause the feelings to be sustained, inhibiting our growth. Was this shoulder tensing preventing me from growing? At the very least my neck was hurting and that was effecting my practice. As I went through my day I realized I was tensing my shoulders more often than not. Something else was going on.
 I thought about the exercise that I had just completed in my teacher Rod Stryker's new book, The Four Desires. This particular exercise was designed to uncover your vikalpa. As Rod describes it "Your vikalpa are the kinds of mental constructs or beliefs that split or separate you from your highest self and from the destiny that your highest self would have you fulfill. In the end, it is your vikalpa that make up the inner obstacles - your false ideas, deep seated patterns and perceptions- that lead you away from your highest destiny."
A person can set many goals, intentions or sankalpas (resolves) but unless you have uncovered your vikalpa, it will be nearly impossible to fulfill your true destiny.  Once I completed the exercise and uncovered my vikapla, the set of beliefs that have been standing in my way of achieving great success became abundantly clear...like a ton of bricks... falling on my head. I flashed back on many opportunities come and gone that I let slip through my fingers-  relationships that I stayed in for too long- because really... I didn't feel I deserved to be successful and why I didn't feel I deserved it was even more surprising. But with that realization came a lightness. Just like it felt when I released the tension in my shoulders- a wave of relaxation.
So now I am using the habit of holding tension in my shoulders as my Departure Point, another technique outlined in The Four Desires. Rod describes this as a "juncture where you break the momentum of your old trajectory by interrupting a habit pattern and thus trigger a new trajectory twoard your goal. By giving something up you create an opportunity for the universe to fill the resulting gap with something new, and specifically something you desire- your sankalpa." It may not sound like much to give up, but I am already feeling the freedom its created in both my body and my mind. I sense a fire lighting the way towards achieving my goals that comes from a deep place and a new awareness that will help me to avoid the pitfalls that I have made it in the past due to my limiting beliefs.

You can order The Four Desires- Creating a Life of Purpose, Happiness, Prosperity and Freedom by Rod Styker at www.parayoga.com along with the accompanying guided meditations.
Please feel free to share your vikapla stores here.